Yo, What’s Your Beef?

In the continuing absurdity that is Indian politics, another chapter was written two weeks ago when the Maharashtra government banned the sale, consumption and possession of beef.

And this has confirmed my staunch belief that religion mixed with politics is a recipe for disaster. As with every stupid government decision, behind every decision, is a hollow, fuck-all logic.

The most common reason stated was that it is hurtful to Hindu sentiments, as the cow is a sacred animal for millions of Hindus.

Firstly, Hinduism isn’t a monolithic religion, it does not have one scripture, one set of rules, or norms. And yet, sadly, all the great upholders of religion on social networking sites seem to follow a certain, media-created idea of Hinduism. One that was woven out of mythological serials on Sunday mornings and Amar Chitra Katha comics.

For if any of these idiots actually read any scriptures, one finds a huge number of references to non-vegetarian food. That it was consumed, written about, and celebrated in a million ways. Yet, for all our pride in our ancient roots, and the wonderful diversity that Hinduism enjoys, we choose to abide by (and shove down upon others’ throats), a particular streak of carefully-chosen Brahminical Hinduism.

They told us that this is what the religion is – encapsulated thousands and thousands of years of a vibrant, unique way of life into a set of Dos and Donts – and like blind sheep, we choose to abide by it.

Then, there was the second logic thrown around.

Why can’t we ban beef, when other nations have banned pork?

Which is such an idiotic logic, that you feel like stuffing a seekh up their ass.

Just because other regressive nations dictate how their citizens should lead their personal lives, why should India do it too? Why are comparisons always made with UAE and Dubai and other regressive states? Why can’t we aspire for higher?

Which is an interesting thought. If you analyse any pro-Hindu dumbwit, you see a pattern. These guys hate Islamic states with all their heart. And yet, they will stand by and applaud as India gets reduced to exactly that – a pseudo-Islamic state that believes it has the right to decide what is right for the people.

And all the supporters of the ban are the same set of people – Hindu, upper caste/class, vegetarians, and BJP supporters. Idiots who drank from the well and now want to spit the wisdom down your throats.

But trying arguing with a BJP fanboy!

For some reason, BJP fans are the most aggressive, intolerant sort on social media networks. The Communist will meander about the discussion and then put up a link to a Rumi poem. The secularist will keep disagreeing, avoiding anything outlandish, for fear of coming across as intolerant. The Congress supporter is still hiding his face in shame. But the BJP supporter!

Arguing with a BJP supporter is like playing Tug of War with an ox. After a point, you look at yourself, wonder what the what the fuck you were thinking, and let go of the rope.

And so obsessed are BJP fanboys of their leader, that they will go on about him on social media when he does something right (I’m not a fanatic, and he IS doing some things right, won’t deny him that).

But when his government does something stupid, the BJP langots simply vanish into thin air. Question them about it, and they’ll share a picture of their dog pooping on a plate of Upma.

And vegetarian animal rights activists will add to the debate with their asinine logic of global warming and animal rights violations. Because it is fine if you slaughter buffaloes, but not cows. Go Mata, go!

What we forget is that beef is cheap, nutritious, tasty food for billions of people. Yes, it is sacred for some Hindus, but so are other animals. In some communities, even onion and garlic are considered unholy because they grow underground (yet another fuck-all logic!). Do we go around banning it?

Why do we have to stoop as low as the extremists?

In many ways, Hinduism is among the most tolerant religions in the world. Why can’t we celebrate that, revel in its diversity, and let people choose what is right for them? Why do we have to stoop to the levels of …ahem…You Know Who?

India doesn’t need to do shit like that, man. Grow up!

And the ruling party imposing rules pertaining to personal life is a dangerous trend. In many…*cough cough*…religious countries, we have seen how disastrous it is for the social fabric of the nation.

And where does this cycle of banning what we don’t approve of, end?


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19 thoughts on “Yo, What’s Your Beef?

  1. thumbelinaandhertinderbox

    Enjoyed reading this as I enjoy most of what you write!
    In fact the movers and shakers have gone one step ahead and even beeped the word ‘Beef’ out on Television. Now thats idiocy at such an elevated level that it would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. Been ranting about that on my blog too!!!

  2. aninsightfulnut

    What baffles me is the “Hindus”are against killing a cow, but not against impregnating it again and again and milking it dry. Sometimes they kill and stuff the calf and place it in front of the cow to increase milk production. So if the “Hindus” care so much about the cows feeling, they shouldn’t be drinking their milk, eating their curd rice or pouring ghee into some fire while pulling out money from a fancy leather wallet. And the last I remembered India was not just for the Hindus… good time to be born one I suppose

  3. ankit Choradia (@ankitchoradia)

    At first I felt , Why I should right this. than again, this blog as my medium for learning colourful words in English,should be reciprocated with something useful to the author. FYI the Fuck all logic behind not eating Underground grown food because the Jains follow this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sattvic_diet. and now Dear Sir, even if you will not allow, i want to tell you that I am not a religious person and nor I have something against the non- vegetarians. but i care about cows, I worship them and there are some sentiment attached to the sacred cows fact. . Article 48 of the Indian Constitution (Directive Principles of State Policy) says clearly that the government must protect the cow, I am not from peta, but I do care for other animal and do whatever it takes to protect the animals. Government restriction can only make matter worse and may be result in SWSWSW( some will, some won’t , So what) but at the opposite end of the spectrum i feel that India do need this shit( Just google the many uses of cow dung). If i dont write this i will feel guilty of unnecessary wasting my Sunday morning by feeding cows at gaushalas. For me Ahimsa parmo dharma (non-violence is the highest moral virtue) and you as a responsible Indian doing great work of making people LOL, i will do my bit to make India as Hindustan and not like all thing americano. Hindusthan matters for peace & humanity.
    God bless you and please correct my english if there is any grammatical mistake in this piece.

  4. ramesht123

    There are indeed communities that don’t eat stuff like garlic because it grows underground. It is their belief and they quietly go about doing their business. Mocking their faith as a “yet another fuck-all logic” only betrays your own bigoted views. For all the high moral talks & aspirations to rise above religious differences, your statement makes you come across as a shallow human who is spitefully intolerant towards what other people believe in. Sadly, when people like you come to power in the government, they too pay absolutely no regard to citizen’s right to a meal of their choice & ban stuff. So yes, I get the spirit of your blog & I dont like the ban either.

    People commenting on the blog as well as you should ask themselves – how different are you really from a Hindutva fanatic if you post derogatory statements about other religions or judge people because they don’t follow your kind of lifestyle?

  5. Niraj Gadhe

    Under the pretext of freedom of expression please dont go on writing anything you wish. Writing on a social media page may hurt a lot of people. And its true its just a faith. Some people follow one religion and while some people follow other religion. Each religion has got some myths, faiths, beliefs and rituals which makes it different from other. Though most of things in religion are not proven a human being has full faith in his or her religion. So i believe in India the number of Hindu People who believe cow should not be slaughtered is extremely high( you can go around asking people). So please dont try to be a hero here and talk against the flow of the beliefs. I know some people have that habit of trying to be famous by just supporting a view which is against the mainstream and trying to find their place in the realm of popularity. I think you are one of them.

  6. Zaphod Mittal

    Agree with the Dubai comments from other people. Won’t call Dubai progressive.. but just for factual correctness – pork is easily available (perhaps easier to get than in India).

    Of course, beef ban is a utterly chutiya-tic decision! #acchhedin 🙂

  7. Mohit Kumar

    Hi Heartranjan,

    I love your write ups and the way you despise Chetan Bhagat and I think you are one of the best with satire however I have to agree with ravisabnani also that this time around you lacked in your research. In UAE or let me break it down to Dubai, people can easily buy Pork in supermarkets stored in a separate section called ‘Non-Muslim items’ and for your surprise, Alcohol is also very much available here for consumption either in pubs or in the Alcohol shops like anywhere else. I have been living in Dubai or a while now and trust me it is a very progressive place. People here have a better and progressive mindset than most of us Indians, unlike us they don’t believe in ‘BANNING’ things like Documentaries, Roasts, Food etc. and we call ourselves or wait.. We take pride in calling ourselves the biggest democracy. Anyway I still love my country with the hope that everything would change someday.

    P.S: All the imposing vegetarians losers should rot in hell for giving all the Gyan about how good they feel after turning veterinarian, what caused them to turn vegetarian, and how inhuman it is to kill an animal…..

  8. Ravi Kanth G

    While I am a BJP supporter only because it is being led by a leader in Modi(compared to an Italian infant and etc etc). I do agree that it’s not the government’s job to prescribe what we should eat and how we wipe our ass.

  9. Devika Misra

    While I agree with almost everything you said, as a vegetarian I feel I have a few comments to make. My attempts at converting others to my ‘cult’ have always involved discussions and debates and ultimately making sad puppy dog eyes – it never works of course. My friends eat their animal carcasses between giving me looks , almost like ‘look bitch a bone – from your spine, crumble already.’
    Also I am a reborn vegetarian – so I know how good it tastes. So I feel I have been to the dark side and lived to tell
    We don’t really want to force it down people’s throats – I would just like all the people who claim that eating shark fin soup is dope to die – or at least spare the animals who are endangered no matter ‘dude yaar ! itna tasty’ and the unfortunate ones like chickens etc to at least be killed as kindly as it is possible, no unnecessary pain (like boiling them alive).

    There I have said my piece.

    1. Kiran Mahadik

      It’s absolutely your choice to be vegetarian and your prerogative to try and convince others to follow for health or humanitarian reasons. The problem is when this is mandated by the government. What is even more dangerous, is when a supposedly secular govt. does it for religious regions. That’s the point of the blog…

  10. ravisabnani

    You have an error in your commentary and research. I have lived in Dubai, UAE for 37 years. They have never banned pork. They sell pork in separate section at the groceries and even restaurants are allowed to serve it as long as there is a separate kitchen to prepare it in. And there are plenty of restaurants that serve pork as long as it is marked as a pork item on the menu. And Dubai is far from regressive. Being an Indian living in Dubai, I can safely say it is more forward-thinking than a lot of other countries, on a lot of matters.

    With your blogged subject matter people have been referring to Dubai in the opposite manner. They say that in a Muslim country like UAE, they allow pork to be bought, consumed and served, then how is Maharashtra regressive enough to ban Beef.

    P.S. I like you blog-piece. And I like Beef even more.


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