Tag Archives: Facebook

Of Soppy Facebook posts and Uni-dimensional Mothers

May be it’s because I hail from a dysfunctional family, that I find the entire online charade of Mothers’ Day a little too soppy for my liking.

All the YouTube ads that I skip savagely, the marketing campaigns that sell uni-dimensional women who love and give and forgive and sacrifice for their children. Those status updates and sloppy Facebook pictures where the mothers are clearly uncomfortable, but are holding up a smile so their moronic kid could tag them on social media.

Quotes that have clearly been lifted from the Internet, followed by a one-line cursory tribute that often reads – ‘You stayed up for me when I had to study, you gave me all that I need, including a kidney for my dialysis. I love you, mom!

Not only do I fail to understand the need for such hoopla, I also find it terribly demeaning to women in general, and mothers in particular.

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Since childhood, I have had a problem with the Indian custom of worshiping parents. Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava – these lines never made sense to me.

How can a natural act of producing a progeny elevate one to the status of a god? If producing the next generation of the species is all it takes, then every creature on earth does it. What makes us so unique? Dogs do it, as do cats and monkeys and donkeys and camels – why do we humans enjoy the exclusive privilege of godliness? Surely monkeys should be gods too? And cows as …oh well!

My disillusionment also probably stemmed from seeing my own parents. They were both products of the 70s – born with generations of tradition, but blessed with an education that allowed them to break free and make their own choices. They both met and fell in love and got married and started living together, two minor blips in a nation that was trudging along the chosen lines of tradition. But somewhere along the lines of fighting customs and tradition, they began fighting among themselves.

All this before they even reached the age of 25. It was an age where you couldn’t make mistakes. An age that expected you to act on your impulses, and live with them hanging across your shoulders for one and all to see. It was an age that expected you to wear your scars, that did not allow you options, or dates, or make-up or break-up. And they were humans after all. While other parents continued being devas for their children, I saw my parents for what they were – confused 30 year olds who had no idea what to do with their marriage, or the kids that had resulted thereof.

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But my parents belonged to an earlier generation. What about our generation?

Nearly every girl I know has a career of her own. One that is not a detour till marriage happens, something to pass time off with till the inevitable ‘M’ word. What happens to our generation when we grow up to become fathers and mothers?

Is there a guarantee they will all be wonderful women – giving and forgiving and caring and sharing?

Why does a woman have to be all of the above, anyway? Do we know what sort of a mother Marie Curie was? Or Florence Nightingale? Rosa Parks?? Does it even matter? They were all women who changed the world just by who they were. Brilliant, caring individuals whose genius benefited millions around the world.

By celebrating the ‘giving, forgiving, sacrificing’ aspects of your mother, you are only reducing her to a cardboard cutout. You are pandering to the image of mothers that advertisements and marketing campaigns create for you.

If you truly love your mother, you should be celebrating her flaws as well, her weaknesses. You should be celebrating her for who she is, warts and all. As it is, the world is hell bent on straight-jacketing women into pre-decided roles – Daughter, Wife, Mother, Mother-in-law, Grandmother. Your posts only add to the existing tropes.

If she’s amazing, she’s amazing just as she is. Whether she stayed up all night for your Board Exams or not. She’s amazing if she gave up her career for you, but more so if she didn’t. There’s more to your mother than her equation with you. She was someone before you came into her life and it’s utterly disdainful to assume you are her entire life. May be you’re not. May be if you stopped being such a narcissistic piece of shit, you’d think twice before assuming the sun shines out of your ass.

By celebrating the one facet of her that advertisers want you to, you are reducing your mother to a caricature. Every time you post a picture of her with a hashtag, some intern in a marketing office is jacking off to a new advertising campaign.

Your mother doesn’t need your hashtag and your Facebook update. She doesn’t need to be giving and forgiving and sacrificing or kidney-donating. And if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t reduce her to a cardboard caricature.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Five Amazing Online Avatars you can use:

Tired of being just the common man on Facebook? Tired of logging in and finding the usual posts from friends, and ‘liking’ and commenting on friends’ photos?

Presented below are five amazing online Avatars you can use.

Remember, Facebook is the place to be. What you are on Facebook determines what people think of you, as you hardly meet any of them anyway. So go ahead, and take your pick, from among these amazing Online avatars that are easy to adopt.

The Concerned Citizens: This is an amazing avatar to adopt. The Concerned Citizens are concerned about everything in the world, and make sure that everybody in their friends’ list knows about it. Everything from poor children starving to death, to the Haiti cause can be solved, just by a click from the Concerned Citizens.

Their walls are generally flooded with ’causes’ like ‘End Poverty with a Click’, ‘Plant Trees with a Click’, and ‘Be a Dick, Just Click’.

You not only have to be concerned about the cause, you also need to rub it on others’ faces to show them that they are not concerned. A typical status update would go like this:

“Children with mental disabilities are not mad. Kindly post this on your wall if you think we need to get rid of this thought. I know 95% of you will not post this, but if you are among the 5% who care about children, kindly post this on your wall”.

 

The Lover Boys: The Loverboys are all over Facebook, and they can usually be found winking and ‘:p’ ing all over girls’ Display Pictures. It’s very easy to be a Lover Boy on facebook. You just have to let your natural self take over. A Lover Boy can be found sympathising with girls when they have a headache, or celebrating when they are happy.

The purpose of a Lover Boy’s existence is to spread joy and happiness in the world. Only among girls, of course! If you are a guy and post an update about being diagnosed with testicular cancer, don’t expect much. Remember, Lover Boys are ‘Boys’ – they don’t give a rat’s ass about you.

A typical Lover Boy response would be like this:

Moronic Girl: is unhappy….   🙁
Lover Boy 1: Why? What happened, dear?
Lover Boy 2: Don’t be sad. We only get one life to live. Enjoy!
Moronic Girl: @LB 1: 🙂 @LB2: Thanks for the advice.
Lover Boy 1: ROFLMAO
Lover Boy 2: Anytime, sweety!
Moronic Girl: Thanks, guys. I feel better already 🙂

If you’re a girl, it is advisable to have at least ten such Lover boys in your friends’ list, so that you have some standing in social networking circles.

 

The Peace Piligrims: The Peace Piligrims are ambassadors of peace, and make it a point to travel from one website to another, spreading the message of peace among us banal netizens who come online just to surf porn. You can find Peace Piligrims on youtube, commenting on videos of India-Pakistan matches or Coke Studio videos.

Remember, if you are a Peace Piligrim, you have to specify that you are one, otherwise you will come across as one those mundane, porn-surfers that you so detest. A typical Peace Piligrim reply to a comment would go like:

“I am from India. But I love Pakistan. We are all brothers from the same mother. Let us not fight. If our nations get together, we can become the largest Superpower in the world, and the best cricket team in the world”

Obviously, 26/11 and other incidents are minor hiccups. What’s important is that we become the No.1 cricket side in the world.

 

The ‘On The Go’ guys: The ‘On The Go’ guys are always, well, on the go. By becoming one of them, you automatically become someone who is terribly important to the world in general, and your friends in particular. You HAVE to let your friends know what is going in your life, all the time. If you are having idlis for breakfast, stopped in a traffic jam, or going to sleep, it is important that you should post it on your wall. After all, everyone else in the world has nothing to do.

A typical ‘On The Go’ status update would go like:

On The Go’ Guy:  is picking his nose.
(5 jobless buggers like this)

 

The Wikichutiyas: The Wikichutiyas are Chutiyas, of Wikipaedic proportions. Wikichutiyas know everything there is to be known, and a lot more of what need not be known. Like with the earlier Avatars, there is no point being a Wikichutiya if you don’t show it to the world. So Wikichutiyas post random stuff on their walls, and act as if there is a life-changing event happening everyday of their lives.

A typical Wikichutiya’s Wall Post would be something like this:

“OMG!! Horrified to know about the use of DDT in South Eastern villages of Venezuela”

As a Wikichutiya, you need to tell everybody about obscure events happening in the world, so that you seem intelligent and updated on everything that is happening. Of course, nobody will comment on your post or ‘like’ it, because nobody actually gives a fuck. But that’s not important. Your mission is to spread knowledge in the world.

So there, readers. I have given you five amazing online avatars. Go ahead, go wild!