Tag Archives: Bajrang Dal

Kiss of Love and Fist of Fury

The kissing event in Kerala was much needed.

And as always, there were morons who called it against ‘Indian culture’.

Nothing pisses me off as much as listening to the words ‘Indian culture’, freely thrown around by these idiots who wave flags and shout slogans. Most of these guys haven’t read much, their idea of Indian culture coming from an India of Ramayan and Mahabharat. What they are fighting for, is not really Indian culture, but assumed ideas of chastity for women.

And it is tragic that the government in power at the Centre, the so called wave of change that supposedly swept the nation a few months ago, has nothing to say about it. In fact, the BJP’s student and youth wings – the ABVP and BJYM – are frontrunners in this trade.

The criticism against anything that is new – be it in the realm of art, fashion, cinema or culture – is labelled against Indian values. What really are Indian values? We live in a country where cultures, languages, customs change every few hundred kilometres. What values are they really protecting?

And I can bet my monthly scholarship on the fact that none of these guys have actually read anything pertaining to Indian culture, history, or philosophy. For if they did, they’d know that while Indian society had its problems, we certainly weren’t prude about clothing and actions. Till the British came in and enforced their ideas of civility and decency on us. Seventy years after the British left, these dickheads are still hanging on to colonial ideas of civility and decency, shamelessly passing them off as Indian values. If only I had a dollar for every time I had a strong urge to smack such idiots across their dumb faces!

And then, there’s also the fact that most of the people who give out such opinions are from an earlier generation. Politicians, religious heads, these are all people in the 60s (and above). If we truly are a nation with largest youth population in the world, as our Prime Minister announces to every country he visits, with considerable pride, why are our lives still determined by rules drawn by geriatric idiots?

How on earth are we going to be a global superpower if we cannot even wear, watch, and do what we think is right? It’s not like there are people having threesomes on railway platforms. Why then, is there such fear?

In most parts of the country, one cannot hold one’s partner’s hand, or put their arms around their shoulder. If an elderly person sees you, or a cop (God forbid!), they will give you a dressing down on how shameless you are. I was once walking with a girl, when a woman called her ‘characterless’ for holding my hand. Me being the guy, was called ‘Useless’ (or something generic like that), but the girl was addressed in terms that stopped short of a prostitute. Why? For holding hands while walking.

And this fear, this absolute unwillingness to accept that people and traditions constantly change, is enforced by these two groups – ABVP and Bajrang Dal. ABVP is the student wing of BJP, and Bajrang Dal is a special group for people with an IQ of 37 and below.

And this is where my above argument of the youth deciding for themselves, falls flat. These people are all youth (some distinctly less youthful than others), ranging in the age of 20 – 35. Why do they parrot the words of some foolish old minister? Why do they beat up people, smash property, and blacken faces of couples on TV?

Because none of these guys have girlfriends. Think about it.

Think of all the people you know, who support Hindu groups, or are members of ABVP and Bajrang Dal – they are all single males. What they are really against is the fact that other guys can do it, and they can’t.

For, think about it, if you have a girlfriend, would she let you beat up other couples? If you were in a relationship, would you spend Valentine’s Day breaking chairs and tables, screaming ‘Jai Sri Ram’? No way in paataal loka!

bajrang dal

In a way, I feel their pain. Imagine watching your friends hang out with beautiful girls, walking hand in hand to movies, clubs, and libraries. While you have wait for your family members to fall asleep, then switch on Zee Cinema, mute the volume, and jack off. Every single night. It can be very frustrating!

And that is why these morons line up, all of them single, their right hands distinctly thicker than their left, ready to fight for Indian culture.


If you are a Bajrang Dal supporter, or know an idiot who goes around yelling, give him this bit of advice.

Get into a relationship. It might seem Herculean, but remember that even Govinda managed to woo Rani Mukherjee at some point. Do not lose hope. Ask a girl out politely, and get into a relationship.

It’s beautiful. Straight out of my mind, here are a few advantages I could state:

a. You will have something to do on weekends.

b. You get to make out, which is a gazillion times better than masturbating in your bed.

c. You will learn to actually understand women. You will learn that they are not all the same. How can you protect a woman’s modesty if you have never known one closely?

4. Long shot here, but you IQ might just increase.

Just a little bit.

Saffron Groups and Pink Crap

Yet another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and the great protectors of Indian culture, organisations like Bajrang Dal, have woken up from their slumber to protect our great cultural heritage. This activity of protecting our culture is done in many effective ways, like throwing black ink on the faces of the couples, or taking videos of the couples and uploading it on youtube.

These stupid acts not only piss me off a great deal, they are disturbing. Go back to 2009, when Ram Sene activists attacked a pub in Mangalore, dragged women out by their hair and beat them up. (video) But hey, that’s part of Indian culture, man.

Remember how Dushashan pulled Draupadi out of her chambers, dragged her by the hair and pulled her clothes out?

May be the Ram Sene could create a branch called the ‘Dushashan Sene’, who could be employed near pubs and bars, and protect Indian culture.

The National Commission for Women was asked to investigate the case, and this is what Nirmala Venkatesh, a member of the three-member team had to say, “”Everybody was dancing wearing so many nude clothes and all. That is why they did what they did. We women should always try to safeguard ourselves.”

Not surprisingly, Nirmala Venkatesh a few months later joined the Bharatiya Janata Party, saying she was ready to contest the Lok Sabha elections if they gave her a ticket.

This sort of nuisance has been going on for long, and while this is a generalisation, it can be found in states ruled by the NDA alliance, like Karnataka, Madhya Pradesh and Gujarat – states ruled by BJP, having an affiliation towards organisations like VHP, Bajrang Dal, and Ram Sene.

And this is precisely the reason why, in spite of all the scams and scandals in the country, I would never vote for the NDA. Scams and scandals go on. Our economy is a cow, milked by one and all, under different pretexts – none of it affects me directly. But if I vote for the NDA government, some horny bastard might come and pour ink on my girlfriend’s face if I am out with her. That kind of shit affects me, and drives me mad.

For all the bullshit that the BJP propagates, not once did they raise their voice against such criminals.

All this is interesting in the wake of recent reports of BJP ministers caught surfing porn in the Karnataka Assembly. Surprisingly, none of the Ram Sene members so much as raised their voice against this.

But that’s also part of our culture, macha. Remember how Bheeshm, Dhritarashtra and other elders of the court did nothing when Draupadi was being pulled out and stripped??

For years, these jobless fuckers, who have no girlfriends, have taken law into their hands, and threatened to go on a rampage, insulting people who celebrate Valentine’s Day. No government, no party, no organisation, and none of the great NGOs of our country have protested against this vandalism.

What helps these idiots, is that the laws in the Indian Penal Code ratify such acts. Most of the cases booked against couples in parks, abide by the Section 294 of the IPC, drafted as recently as 1860.

294. 4[ Obscene acts and songs.– Whoever, to the annoyance of others,

(a) does any obscene act in any public place, or

(b) sings, recites or utters any obscene song, ballad or words, in or near any public place, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to three months, or with fine, or with both.]

Poor Richard Gere, he kissed Shilpa Shetty at a charity event, without knowing that ‘Big Brother’ was someone else, and he was watching. And filing cases.

Surprisingly, most of these actions have the moral sanction of older couples, who believe this is corrupting our ‘culture’. But is culture set in stone, to be abided by generations to come? What about changing times, and shifting cultures?

So how does one get these grumpy old fools to keep pace with the times?

Simply by rubbing it in their faces.

If you go to Goa, you can find couples kissing on the beach, or on the roads, and no one gives a flying fuck. Simply because the local people there are accustomed to seeing people kiss.

Here’s my suggestion:

With so many flash mobs being organised around the country, some organisation should organise flash mobs of couples who go to a public place and kiss. This will at least let people get used to the fact that youngsters will kiss if they are in love (or not), but it is none of their goddamned concern.

In a landmark judgement by the Delhi High Court in 2009, the Court dismissed a case against a married couple, seeing nothing wrong in them kissing, terming it as ‘an act of love’.

So all you flashing mobs of the country, grow some balls. Do something that might help other young people like you, not just dancing to Kolaveri di and Jai Ho!

That’s not going to make a rat’s ass of a difference to us.