Tired of being just the common man on Facebook? Tired of logging in and finding the usual posts from friends, and ‘liking’ and commenting on friends’ photos?
Presented below are five amazing online Avatars you can use.
Remember, Facebook is the place to be. What you are on Facebook determines what people think of you, as you hardly meet any of them anyway. So go ahead, and take your pick, from among these amazing Online avatars that are easy to adopt.
The Concerned Citizens: This is an amazing avatar to adopt. The Concerned Citizens are concerned about everything in the world, and make sure that everybody in their friends’ list knows about it. Everything from poor children starving to death, to the Haiti cause can be solved, just by a click from the Concerned Citizens.
Their walls are generally flooded with ’causes’ like ‘End Poverty with a Click’, ‘Plant Trees with a Click’, and ‘Be a Dick, Just Click’.
You not only have to be concerned about the cause, you also need to rub it on others’ faces to show them that they are not concerned. A typical status update would go like this:
“Children with mental disabilities are not mad. Kindly post this on your wall if you think we need to get rid of this thought. I know 95% of you will not post this, but if you are among the 5% who care about children, kindly post this on your wall”.
The Lover Boys: The Loverboys are all over Facebook, and they can usually be found winking and ‘:p’ ing all over girls’ Display Pictures. It’s very easy to be a Lover Boy on facebook. You just have to let your natural self take over. A Lover Boy can be found sympathising with girls when they have a headache, or celebrating when they are happy.
The purpose of a Lover Boy’s existence is to spread joy and happiness in the world. Only among girls, of course! If you are a guy and post an update about being diagnosed with testicular cancer, don’t expect much. Remember, Lover Boys are ‘Boys’ – they don’t give a rat’s ass about you.
A typical Lover Boy response would be like this:
Moronic Girl: is unhappy…. 🙁
Lover Boy 1: Why? What happened, dear?
Lover Boy 2: Don’t be sad. We only get one life to live. Enjoy!
Moronic Girl: @LB 1: 🙂 @LB2: Thanks for the advice.
Lover Boy 1: ROFLMAO
Lover Boy 2: Anytime, sweety!
Moronic Girl: Thanks, guys. I feel better already 🙂
If you’re a girl, it is advisable to have at least ten such Lover boys in your friends’ list, so that you have some standing in social networking circles.
The Peace Piligrims: The Peace Piligrims are ambassadors of peace, and make it a point to travel from one website to another, spreading the message of peace among us banal netizens who come online just to surf porn. You can find Peace Piligrims on youtube, commenting on videos of India-Pakistan matches or Coke Studio videos.
Remember, if you are a Peace Piligrim, you have to specify that you are one, otherwise you will come across as one those mundane, porn-surfers that you so detest. A typical Peace Piligrim reply to a comment would go like:
“I am from India. But I love Pakistan. We are all brothers from the same mother. Let us not fight. If our nations get together, we can become the largest Superpower in the world, and the best cricket team in the world”
Obviously, 26/11 and other incidents are minor hiccups. What’s important is that we become the No.1 cricket side in the world.
The ‘On The Go’ guys: The ‘On The Go’ guys are always, well, on the go. By becoming one of them, you automatically become someone who is terribly important to the world in general, and your friends in particular. You HAVE to let your friends know what is going in your life, all the time. If you are having idlis for breakfast, stopped in a traffic jam, or going to sleep, it is important that you should post it on your wall. After all, everyone else in the world has nothing to do.
A typical ‘On The Go’ status update would go like:
‘On The Go’ Guy: is picking his nose.
(5 jobless buggers like this)
The Wikichutiyas: The Wikichutiyas are Chutiyas, of Wikipaedic proportions. Wikichutiyas know everything there is to be known, and a lot more of what need not be known. Like with the earlier Avatars, there is no point being a Wikichutiya if you don’t show it to the world. So Wikichutiyas post random stuff on their walls, and act as if there is a life-changing event happening everyday of their lives.
A typical Wikichutiya’s Wall Post would be something like this:
“OMG!! Horrified to know about the use of DDT in South Eastern villages of Venezuela”
As a Wikichutiya, you need to tell everybody about obscure events happening in the world, so that you seem intelligent and updated on everything that is happening. Of course, nobody will comment on your post or ‘like’ it, because nobody actually gives a fuck. But that’s not important. Your mission is to spread knowledge in the world.
So there, readers. I have given you five amazing online avatars. Go ahead, go wild!